Ugh. Double ugh. Today didn't go exactly as I planned. I'm disappointed in myself after our fabulous day of scuba diving Catalina island.
Years ago Judy invited me to get scuba certified and I wanted nothing to do with it. I was petrified. Being under water was not for me - there's just too many things to be frightened of. But two years ago I bit the bullet and went through the training with Todd, Bushmans and Paynes. I was surprisingly good at diving and sailed through the class with no issues. I could do it!! It was fun! And breathing under water was a piece of cake.
I was so excited to go on this dive. I was still nervous though; nervous that I would get seasick on the boat out to our dive, or that the salt water would bug my eyes and nose ... but the biggest fear of all was the critters under the water. (which is totally ridiculous because thats what diving is all about!) As cool as it is to see an eel, heaven forbid it comes close! I was nervous but not so scared I considered not diving. This was an incredible adventure and I had my big girl panties on. There was a lady on the boat who had a totally scared look going and I calmed her fears and told her I was a beginner too and everything was going to be fine. We would LOVE diving! My tank set up was first so I excitedly suited up ... did my alligator jump off the catamaran and waited for my adventure to begin. Mask on ... regulator in mouth ... head under ... here we go.
Almost as soon as my head went under water it hit me. Panic. Panic like I've never felt before. Petrified didn't even come close to describing this feeling. I couldn't do it. I couldn't get control of myself and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Our dive master immediately caught on to my situation and tried to calm my nerves. He was trying to convince me to stay in the water and I wanted out!! The lady who I was consoling on the trip out was now the one doing the rational talking and trying to help me. I was going to suffocate and I was having a total panic attack. After a promise from the divemaster that he would stay with me and let me up the minute I wanted to go, I went down. I was breathing so fast and so heavy that I just knew I would run out of air in 5 minutes. My buddy didn't leave my side, in fact he held my hand the entire time and controlled my bouyancy for me - probably because I wouldn't have gone down any other way. We went further and further and the longer we were under the worse my situation got. After about 20 minutes I'd had enough. I signaled to the poor little Mexican divemaster that I was going up with or without him. He stayed with me and made me stop once before reaching the top. You have to come up slowly or you can die so he made sure I was okay. I wanted to die - of disappointment. I coulnt believe it.
When I surfaced I was way far from the catamaran. I had to swim over and was already exhausted from the struggling in my first few moments and fighting with myself the entire time during the dive. I was so tired and had such a hard time, but I made it and decided at that moment that I'm not a diver.
After the dive and speaking with the other divers (who had much more experience than us) they pointed out a few things to me that were going on that I didn't realize were contributing to my state of panic. I won't go into all the scenarios that led me to this horrifying emotional state, but let's just say the dive shop we went with was not the most professionally run outfit and they didn't do a very good job. I had no idea! It was our first dive. I guess it could have gone better - but I'm still deciding if I want to try again. Stay tuned.
Years ago Judy invited me to get scuba certified and I wanted nothing to do with it. I was petrified. Being under water was not for me - there's just too many things to be frightened of. But two years ago I bit the bullet and went through the training with Todd, Bushmans and Paynes. I was surprisingly good at diving and sailed through the class with no issues. I could do it!! It was fun! And breathing under water was a piece of cake.
I was so excited to go on this dive. I was still nervous though; nervous that I would get seasick on the boat out to our dive, or that the salt water would bug my eyes and nose ... but the biggest fear of all was the critters under the water. (which is totally ridiculous because thats what diving is all about!) As cool as it is to see an eel, heaven forbid it comes close! I was nervous but not so scared I considered not diving. This was an incredible adventure and I had my big girl panties on. There was a lady on the boat who had a totally scared look going and I calmed her fears and told her I was a beginner too and everything was going to be fine. We would LOVE diving! My tank set up was first so I excitedly suited up ... did my alligator jump off the catamaran and waited for my adventure to begin. Mask on ... regulator in mouth ... head under ... here we go.
Almost as soon as my head went under water it hit me. Panic. Panic like I've never felt before. Petrified didn't even come close to describing this feeling. I couldn't do it. I couldn't get control of myself and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Our dive master immediately caught on to my situation and tried to calm my nerves. He was trying to convince me to stay in the water and I wanted out!! The lady who I was consoling on the trip out was now the one doing the rational talking and trying to help me. I was going to suffocate and I was having a total panic attack. After a promise from the divemaster that he would stay with me and let me up the minute I wanted to go, I went down. I was breathing so fast and so heavy that I just knew I would run out of air in 5 minutes. My buddy didn't leave my side, in fact he held my hand the entire time and controlled my bouyancy for me - probably because I wouldn't have gone down any other way. We went further and further and the longer we were under the worse my situation got. After about 20 minutes I'd had enough. I signaled to the poor little Mexican divemaster that I was going up with or without him. He stayed with me and made me stop once before reaching the top. You have to come up slowly or you can die so he made sure I was okay. I wanted to die - of disappointment. I coulnt believe it.
When I surfaced I was way far from the catamaran. I had to swim over and was already exhausted from the struggling in my first few moments and fighting with myself the entire time during the dive. I was so tired and had such a hard time, but I made it and decided at that moment that I'm not a diver.
After the dive and speaking with the other divers (who had much more experience than us) they pointed out a few things to me that were going on that I didn't realize were contributing to my state of panic. I won't go into all the scenarios that led me to this horrifying emotional state, but let's just say the dive shop we went with was not the most professionally run outfit and they didn't do a very good job. I had no idea! It was our first dive. I guess it could have gone better - but I'm still deciding if I want to try again. Stay tuned.
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